The Greyhound

This is satire…

Back to Article
Back to Article

This is satire…

The Cheat Sheet

The Cheat Sheet

The Cheat Sheet

Jacob Thompson, Staff Writer

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






*This is satire…

 

Recently after being elected and amid allegations of American interference in his re-election, Russian president Vladimir Putin has publicly denied the existence of the United States in a speech in Moscow.

He has shut down all embassies in Russia, enacted a travel ban, and temporarily closed all public schools until the “American Lie” has been dealt with.

The main perpetrator of the lie, according to Putin, is Great Britain.

Putin stated,” Russia will not tolerate Great Britain’s use of a puppet government in southern Canada to perpetrate the ‘American Lie’”.

When asked how long the emergency measures would go on for, Putin replied, “As long as necessary.”

While most Russians believe Putin, he does have some skeptics.

One Russian skeptic of this move asked, “If there isn’t a U.S., then who did we sell Alaska to?”

Putin replied by denying that Alaska was ever owned by Russia.

Another skeptic said that the existence of award winning writer, actor, businessman, father, best friend of Putin, and U.S. president Donald J. Trump disproves Putin’s claims.

Putin responded, “Who?”

President Trump has yet to respond or leave his room. White House sources say that trump has “been uncharacteristically quiet” and “has spent more time than normal contemplating his existence.”

Donald Trump, Jr and Vice President Mike Pence have been the only people allowed to see him, and then, only for long enough to give him his food and tell him what Trump Corporation stock is worth.

Vice President Pence said,”Putin’s actions toward us are unacceptable, and the U.S. has had nothing to do with the Russian election”.

Trump, Jr. has also made comment on the situation, saying ”I miss my dad”.

With this move, the Russian ruble has gone down 17 cents in value within American markets, 100% of it’s value.

*This is satire.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Jacob Thompson, Staff Writer

I am in 10th grade. The career I'm going for in the future is a chef. The reason I joined journalism is to learn more and to hone my writing skills.

 

Leave a Comment

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.




Navigate Left
  • This is satire…

    Op-ed

    A pair of panties forges #ThisIsNotConsent

  • This is satire…

    Op-ed

    Can one man end Birthright Citizenship?

  • This is satire…

    Op-ed

    Even soccer players suffer the injustice of the gender wage gap

  • This is satire…

    Op-ed

    He also loves a lot of girl things

  • This is satire…

    Op-ed

    Living while black is not a crime

  • This is satire…

    Op-ed

    This mosque is a beautiful gift

  • This is satire…

    Op-ed

    Perpetrator claims if Trump can do it so can he…

  • This is satire…

    Op-ed

    Rae Carruth’s early release shows the imbalance in the criminal justice system

  • This is satire…

    Op-ed

    Haunted attractions are a scam

  • This is satire…

    Op-ed

    West deserves praise for his Ugandan donation

Navigate Right
The student news site of Naugatuck High School
This is satire…